Ever had a dream that seemed dead? You go around circles trying to figure out how to bring it back to life only to find out that it is beyond repair. You wish it was just a nightmare and that you will wake up in a better reality but the next morning is a reminder that you are living the bad dream. Never in your entire life have you thought of being in this kind of torment. You had better plans and dreams for your dear life for goodness sake. And just when you thought life is about to be good, it hits you hard with a humongous solid rock. Face down.
You start to ask questions like is He really good because what is happening contradicts to who He says He is. You navigate through life searching for a sound reason why of all people, you were chosen to go through this valley. A lot doesn't make sense and here you are, being tossed by the waves back and forth, still with no good reason to give clarity for everything. Were you badder than them? Did you pick poor choices? Or was life a spinning roulette and the misery ball fell at your name unfortunately?
Heaven knows how much tears have kept you awake at night and the numbers of 'what ifs' you have whispered to the air. Still, no answers to your questions. Deep down inside of you is a voice that tells you to let go of all your questions because if you don't, you will miss the point of having to go through it all. You want to believe in that voice so you start to show up everyday, tell people you're okay, hoping they don't notice your swollen eyes because you cried so hard last night and you go on wearing the armor of a warrior because that's what you tell yourself: "I am a warrior." You lie to yourself because when the mask has been put off, you are back in pieces again, crying on your bed, wishing that tomorrow when you wake up the lie you keep telling will finally be the truth.
"I am a warrior. I am a warrior. I am a warrior."
As humans, being resilient is an admirable character while caving in is not an art you should display. Children are taught to rise up in an instant when they bruise their knees while men are taught that to cry means to be weak. But when reality bites the dust will you finally concede to the fact that you cannot overcome it under your own steam, you need a Helper to come in, remove your breastplate and win the war for you. You see, the moment you surrender your desire to be in control is the gateway for the Helper to come to your aid and display His power at work in you. Did you really think that He will let you alone to die in the battle? Did you really believe that He was blind to your tears and deaf to your groan?
If you learn to truly open your eyes will you notice that you were too blind to see that while you are crying, He is there weeping with you and when you cannot find the words to pray, He is patiently listening to you. He was there all along, deep inside of you, telling you to surrender it to Him because you are not meant to carry such a big burden all by yourself. You were designed to run to Him for anything and in everything. It is only when you learn to let go that you will start to live.
So even if the situation still doesn't change, you just go on and show up everyday, like how you are supposed to, but this time with the confidence that even if you don't wear the armor of a warrior, you can still win the war through your Mighty Helper. And when the victory is finally handed to you, then you will come to understand that the whole point of all this is to make you realize that His ways are far and beyond what your mind can comprehend.
xx,
Maica
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