Happy birthday, Mommy!

03/10/13

To the woman who made my existence possible even if she had to go through the most painful experience that she will ever feel, to the friend who always listens to my rants about how hard this life is to me, to the sister who patiently accompanies me when I want to go shopping (which means raiding all the stores in the mall and 20% chance of finding a good stuff and this is seriously tiring) and to the mother who dedicated all her life taking care of us and making sure that we're all doing fine, a happy birthday to you. 

She is probably the most beautiful woman I've ever known and will ever know. She is a superwoman, our superhero. I often wonder how she does the thing that she does. Maybe if I were her, I will totally break down. Hah! Though there were times when I can't understand her on some matters, she never fails to amaze me. I am so grateful to God and even words cannot profoundly explain how grateful I am. She has been at my side for 19 years now and there are times when I realize how hard it is to have me as a daughter. I constantly rant about things. I easily lose my mood. I can be a little selfish and rude at times. But.. but.. but.. I never heard her say that she was tired of me. That she was tired of us. I guess, that's the very exact thing that I like about her. I know she gets tired of us at times but she never told it to us or even made us feel that she's tired already. I think that's the hardest part of being a mother. You just gotta take it all in. You have to give and give and give and give. There is no backing down. There is no resignation. I am proud to say that even if there is a resignation form in being a mother, my mom will never ever do it and I am confident about it. 

Mommy, thank you for being God's living proof that even if this life gets a little bit harsh, there are still good things to be happy about. That is you. You brighten up my bad days and you made me see things in different ways. Thank you for the life lesson and thank you for letting me learn in my own mistake. For I know that even if I fall, you will pick me up no matter how dirty I may be.

 

Happy birthday, Mommy! May God bless you with a life full of joy and happiness. You deserve it. You deserve all the good things in this world. I love you so much.

xx

Your Daughter, Maica

I want You to know something

Hello.

It's been a while since I personally, sincerely talked with You. I know. These past few weeks are tough and I just found myself neglecting, missing and ditching our "date talk" every night. I'm sorry. I'm writing this down so that I have something to read when I look back all the things that happened to my life, and I want You to be a part of it. Not just a PART of it, but I want You to be in EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of it. I am not perfect. I know. I fall. I stumble. I trip. I mess up. But before this leads me to tears, I want You to know something...

I want You to know that I am grateful. I am grateful because You entrusted me with this kind of life. I'm sure this is not an easy life but it sure is a worth living one. I want You to know that I appreciate every single gift that You have given to me. I know there are times that I'm too blind to see it but believe me, I was never too numb to feel it. I want You to know that I will never ever ever have my life in any other way. You have given me trials, waves, storms, circumstances and problems which You believe I can overcome. And see, I made it. We made it. I want You to know that I adore You. I praise You. I worship You. No one else deserves all of these but You. Cliche as it may sound but allow me to say this, "I am not who I am right now if it wasn't for You". You searched for me in the darkness and brought me to light. You looked for me when I was constantly hiding and You never get tired. You waited for me to come and seek You and no matter how many times I cursed, betrayed, denied and ignored You, You still loved me the same and it never changed. How did you do that?

You know the number of strands of my hair. The breath that I take. The tears that I shed. The laughs and smiles that I make. The movies that made me cry and those that made me roll on the bed while laughing. The songs that I like and the songs that I hate. The places that I want to visit and the places that I never want to remember. The million things about me which no one else deeply know. You know all of those things. The good and the bad side of me. You are the only one who can see the depths of my heart and yet You love me the same. How did you do that?

    This is what Your love for me is.

So, thank You. Thank You for giving me the love which I thought I don't deserve. Thank You because You overlooked my scars, my mistakes, my faults and my sins. Thank You because You chose to look at me beyond my shortcomings and You see me with the eyes that no one has ever looked at me before. Thank You because in You I find my completeness. I know that there will be times when I will stumble and fall but I am glad that there is someone like You who will pick me up and pick me up and pick me up. 

I cannot promise You that I will love You as much as You love me because I can never do that and no one else can. But please allow me to love You with all my might and with all my strength. Allow me to love You by loving others. By others, I mean, even those people who are unlovable. Those who are hard to love. Those whom I struggle to love. But with Your help, I know I can do it. I will be able to love them. I will be able to love even the most unlovable person in this world. I think that is the best way to show that I love You. 

I'm sorry.
Thank You.

I love You.

xx
Maica

I go to seek a great perhaps

Hello there! This is not my first time to write in a blog but it surely is my first time to write in a blog which is publicized. By this, I mean that I had my first blog months ago (which I intend to keep to myself and not tell it to anyone), but then because school works interfere and come in the way, I forgot to update it and check it regularly which leads me to forgetting the password as well. Anyway, enough of the explaining..

Maybe, a lot of you if not all, are wondering the meaning behind my blog title "I GO TO SEEK A GREAT PERHAPS". Well, not to mention that I got it from John Green's Looking For Alaska which is my favorite book next to Fault in Our Stars (I am a die hard John Green fan).

Upon reading the book, I come across with this line which is originally written by Francois Rabelais and I wonder what does this mean. So I asked my best friend (Google), and read as many comments as I can about this line. I think this one has the best explanation, "It means they are going to try to find something much better than what they now have, and hope they will find it but are uncertain that it will come to pass". This explains it all. Who knows that these seven words can sum up how I want my life to be lived? I want to go to seek a great perhaps. I want to know what the world really looks like out there. I want to see the beauty of every creatures. I want to be moved and be amazed by this world. I want to feel the heaven that is out there for each one of us. And I will make it happen...

This blog is my life in a page. This will entail everything about me that I want everyone to know. I want to share with you the life that I have through writing down my feelings, my thoughts, my doubts, my fears and most of all, my journey. I hope that I will not abandon this blog as what I did on the previous one (due of lack of time) and I hope that you will be inspired by this blog. I will and should try to keep you posted as often as I can. Cheers for the many stories that I will write down! Cheers for this life! 


xx
Maica