Just See You Again

My heart is fervently pounding
While the clock is hastily ticking
Every moment seems to be fleeting
Whilst I caught myself blankly staring


Questions occupy my troubled mobbed mind
But answers seem to be arduous to find
Or maybe I am pretending to be some kind of a blind
Because the answers are utterly unkind


All the memories, I shall treasure forever
I truly pledge to say goodbye never
It will be hard, yes, the hardest ever
But my heart will love you may I be wherever


No goodbyes, just see you again
Well, we are all under only one heaven
I'll tell you a trick, just count one to seven
I'll see you soon... But who knows when?



-m.t.

Starting a new page and closing old ones

Change is inevitable. It is something that we cannot escape from no matter how hard we try to run. Change does not always happen in a big manner, sometimes it takes small changes to obviously see how much you differ from then to now. Most of the time, it is painful. Yes. But after a while, you learn how to embrace and live it up. Change is necessary.

Oftentimes, we do not notice that it is solely us who desire the change. We want to grow up fast but regret that we did not fully live our youthful days. We want to graduate from school so we could work and earn money but regret and wish if we can just stay at school forever. We want to have boyfriend even if we're still not on the right age but regret because we got lower grades when we started dating that boy. We want to get married before we turn 23 but regret because we still cannot sleep without knowing that our parents are just on the other room.

We simply do not really know what we want which proves that we are not the best caretakers of our lives. Someone greater must exist because if we will depend our lives in our own hands, it will turn out to be miserable. Our plans which we thought are the best there is, turn out to be the main thing that will destroy our lives. That's why we need someone who is higher than us, someone who is not like us. 

We need Jesus, our God. We need Him to redirect our paths whenever we missed a turn. We need Him to tell us which way to go. We need Him to remind us that we are not perfect and that it is okay because He is not requiring us to be. This is the main reason why we need Him -- because we are not perfect enough to be the controller of our own lives. 

Jesus is the only Truth, the Way and the Life. Without Him, our lives are nothing but a mess. I am not telling these things without a proof. My changed life is an evidence that we are nothing without Jesus. I am a wretch, lost girl until Jesus came and rescued me. His grace absolutely changes everything. He can turn a heart of stone into a heart of flesh. I have nothing to offer but He loved me. He just wants my heart to be fully surrendered to Him. For a God like Him to ask for my heart that is broken, torn apart and barely functioning leaves me dumbfound. He wishes for my heart even if it is in its ugliest form. A God like Him should be given the most beautiful things the world can offer but He is asking for my ugly, poor heart. That's when I decided that I'm gonna follow Him no matter what's the cost.

Today, I had a lot of changes that are painful but are necessary. Changes that I never thought will happen. But I hold on to the fact that God has a purpose why things need to be put out of my life, why people have to leave and why some things are really never gonna work out. I am stoked to see why things happen this way. I await for the revelation of God in this season because I know nothing but He is faithful and a promise keeper.

xx,
Maica

You

Your love for me goes beyond perfection
Did You ever think twice before giving me this affection?
I am used to putting myself into isolation
What is in me that You find as an attraction?


All of it changed when You walked into my life
My questions were answered especially my why's
You made everything beautiful, I would not lie
Thank You for believing that I am worth the fight


Life for me has been so much better
I cannot imagine living without us together
I know we can fathom any kind of weather
I believed You when You said forever


Please hold me as tight as You can
I will never make it without Your helping hand
When all things are said and done
I know You're the only One who will never be gone




- mt

We are all called for a purpose

Humans are not just meant to exist but to live. By living, it means that we are meant to affect other people and make an impact in this world. Now, I believe that some people's impact is not as big as other people's impact. Let's say, the impact of a pebble thrown away carelessly into the pond only results to one drop. On the other hand, strategically throwing the pebble into the water can cause a ripple effect which is totally different from a one drop. But no matter how big or small our impact may be, the important thing is we tried to give our life a good fight.

We are all called for a purpose. We are not here by accident. I do not believe that some matter in the universe exploded and resulted to the existence of human life. We are made more than that. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. We have a destiny and our mission is to know our purpose.

I'm sure, you have this question in mind: "How will I know my purpose?"
I've thought of this question also, don't worry. For more than 2 years that I've been walking with God, I realized that our purpose cannot be revealed to us easily. For some, maybe they were revealed right away, but for most, we have to seek it. How do we seek it? By going to the One who has created us, to the One who holds our destiny and to the One who has written and planned our life -- Lord, Jesus Christ. We seek Him first before anything else. We make an effort to get to know Him by reading His Word (The Bible). I've never received as much Good News as what The Bible contains. If we are just patient and eager to know God's Word, we can be saved from a lot of heartaches. 

I am grateful that as I continue to seek God and as He continues to reveal Himself to me, I slowly discover the purpose of my life. Sometimes God will ask us to walk outside the boat and to trust that He will enable us to walk into the water. Do not be afraid! He will not ask us to walk in the water without Him going into it first. He has tested the deepness of the water before He lets us walk into it. He will not let us drown. He never fails.

Job 23:10-12 (NIV)

10 But he knows the way that I take;

when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

11 My feet have closely followed his steps;

I have kept to his way without turning aside.

12 I have not departed from the commands of his lips;

I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread.

xx,

Maica

Wanderlust

All of us have this little traveler in the deepest corner of our hearts. The urge to travel, to see the world in different views, to relate with other people, to come across the colorful cultures, to be in awe by a beauty that is natural, to escape from the familiar and to fully understand who we really are. To abandon our homes for the sake of seeking for something new and better but eventually realizing that there is no place like home.

We go gaga over the holiday's seat sales to book the cheapest possible flight. We save up for our dream trips. We willingly give up a greater part of our savings to explore the world. We are thirsty to be somewhere we've never been before. Nevertheless, it is absolutely worth every cent. We get to see that the world is broad and there's so much to see. We bump into people, assimilate the way they live and in due course adapt them.

I haven't been everywhere but it's definitely on my list. I want to see the beauty of this big, wide and wild world. I want to be touched by how certain people live differently and yet have this connection that is incomprehensible. I want to write about my experiences with the different places I've been to and be able to narrate the feelings that I have to let others see or even feel, what I saw and felt. I want to be in touch on what's happening with this world and relate with the people I barely know. I want to be influenced by their vibrant cultures and yet remain faithful to what I am really believing for. I want to get out of my comfort zone.

One day, I know, this is certain, I'm gonna go and travel the world. One place at a time or maybe two. But I am, without a doubt, going to press on with my dreams and see them come into reality. 

"My restless, roaming spirit, would not allow me to remain at home very long."

" The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page."

xx,

Maica

What are you afraid of?

"What are you afraid of?", asked by my bible study leader.

I was staring at the people passing by with a total blank mind not knowing how to answer that question. Well, if she's referring to shallow fears, I can give her a lot like being alone in the dark, heights, cockroaches, etc. But I want to give an answer that is echt and abysmal. This, I thought, is a very good question because I find it really hard to answer. Not in a sense that I am not afraid of things or anything, but the mere fact that I haven't asked this to myself for a long time and here I am faced with this question.

I am and was afraid of a lot of things but I am so eager to answer this question, "What am I most afraid of?". Maybe I don't know much about myself yet that I cannot quickly produce an answer or maybe it's one of the questions I try to avoid. Then suddenly, I began thinking of things, events and persons who have big impacts in my life. I know. I know now what I am afraid of. What I am most afraid of. I am afraid of losing the people who brought me to life. I am afraid of losing my parents. I am afraid that one day I will wake up and will no longer have a sight of them. I know, this is a kind of fear that everyone has in their list, but for me, nothing can ever hurt me more than knowing that my parents are not there anymore. Just now, thinking that they will be gone in the future breaks my heart and puts me to tears. I don't know but these two folks which God sent to me deserve to live a much longer life than any people in this world.

" ... and that's the thing when your parents die, like instead of going into every fight with backup, you are going to every fight alone." - For One More Day, Mitch Albom

They were the ones who molded me into the person I am right now. They are my confidante, my cheerleader, the voice in the back of my head saying "You can do it!", the reason why quitting is never an option for me, the most beautiful gift God has ever given me. They are imperfect and that's why I love them. They allow us to see them at their strongest and even in their weakest. And that's why we are a family. We accept each other's strengths and weaknesses, we are there for each other in high and low points of life and we will always be caring for one another until the end of time. It takes courage to show your kids that you are fine when you're really not but it takes a lot of courage to admit to them that you are not really fine. And that's better, I guess. For me, a family should be relational. The only time I can take my mask off is when I'm with them. I no longer have to hide anything or cover things that I don't want other people to see because I've found the people who will stick with me even if I have this monster inside of me. I am not afraid to lay down my vulnerability.


" ... you can find something truly important in an ordinary minute." - For One More Day, Mitch Albom

" And I realized when you look at your parents, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know." - For One More Day, Mitch Albom

That's why every minute I am with them, I make it count. I make it a point that no day will pass without letting them know how much I love them. For others, they may find it too cheesy to say those three words to their parents but what will you lose by saying them? In fact, you may gain something out of it. Do not ever miss the opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to you or you will continue living this life full of what ifs. Sometimes, life throws us only one chance and it is up to us if we will make it count or blow it. At the end of the day, we are all still gonna go back to our roots, the ones who bring us to this world, the ones who didn't mind losing their life so we can have ours. 



xx,
Maica