What are you afraid of?

"What are you afraid of?", asked by my bible study leader.

I was staring at the people passing by with a total blank mind not knowing how to answer that question. Well, if she's referring to shallow fears, I can give her a lot like being alone in the dark, heights, cockroaches, etc. But I want to give an answer that is echt and abysmal. This, I thought, is a very good question because I find it really hard to answer. Not in a sense that I am not afraid of things or anything, but the mere fact that I haven't asked this to myself for a long time and here I am faced with this question.

I am and was afraid of a lot of things but I am so eager to answer this question, "What am I most afraid of?". Maybe I don't know much about myself yet that I cannot quickly produce an answer or maybe it's one of the questions I try to avoid. Then suddenly, I began thinking of things, events and persons who have big impacts in my life. I know. I know now what I am afraid of. What I am most afraid of. I am afraid of losing the people who brought me to life. I am afraid of losing my parents. I am afraid that one day I will wake up and will no longer have a sight of them. I know, this is a kind of fear that everyone has in their list, but for me, nothing can ever hurt me more than knowing that my parents are not there anymore. Just now, thinking that they will be gone in the future breaks my heart and puts me to tears. I don't know but these two folks which God sent to me deserve to live a much longer life than any people in this world.

" ... and that's the thing when your parents die, like instead of going into every fight with backup, you are going to every fight alone." - For One More Day, Mitch Albom

They were the ones who molded me into the person I am right now. They are my confidante, my cheerleader, the voice in the back of my head saying "You can do it!", the reason why quitting is never an option for me, the most beautiful gift God has ever given me. They are imperfect and that's why I love them. They allow us to see them at their strongest and even in their weakest. And that's why we are a family. We accept each other's strengths and weaknesses, we are there for each other in high and low points of life and we will always be caring for one another until the end of time. It takes courage to show your kids that you are fine when you're really not but it takes a lot of courage to admit to them that you are not really fine. And that's better, I guess. For me, a family should be relational. The only time I can take my mask off is when I'm with them. I no longer have to hide anything or cover things that I don't want other people to see because I've found the people who will stick with me even if I have this monster inside of me. I am not afraid to lay down my vulnerability.


" ... you can find something truly important in an ordinary minute." - For One More Day, Mitch Albom

" And I realized when you look at your parents, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know." - For One More Day, Mitch Albom

That's why every minute I am with them, I make it count. I make it a point that no day will pass without letting them know how much I love them. For others, they may find it too cheesy to say those three words to their parents but what will you lose by saying them? In fact, you may gain something out of it. Do not ever miss the opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to you or you will continue living this life full of what ifs. Sometimes, life throws us only one chance and it is up to us if we will make it count or blow it. At the end of the day, we are all still gonna go back to our roots, the ones who bring us to this world, the ones who didn't mind losing their life so we can have ours. 



xx,
Maica